Wednesday, November 23, 2011

When Did Barbie Become Such a Skank?

I grew up playing with Barbies. I loved them. You can pretend that you actually have a white Ferrari and a pink horse and a trunk full of sparkly clothes and huge boobs. You can be whatever you want to be when you're playing with Barbies; a doctor, a nurse, a vet, a professor, and a variety of other professions that require advanced degrees. Barbie was the bomb.

Or so I thought. But seriously, when did Barbie become such a skank?
I came across this gem at TJ Maxx the other day (because I'm a sensational Maxxinista and love getting deals on Calvin Klein). It really made me think, no wonder the kids these days are dressing the way they do and acting the way they do. Have you SEEN Barbie?! When I was growing up Barbie encouraged me to go to school and be smart. You didn't need Ken, you just needed to be smart and awesome. Not to mention, Ken always wore those flesh colored underwear and that always really creeped me out.

Like I've already mentioned, MY Barbie was a doctor, or a bride, or a woman shopping on Rodeo drive in a fantastic pant suit. Who the hell is this?

I'm really starting to think that once Midge got pregnant (it was literally a Barbie with a silly putty egg in her belly with a baby in it!), the entire Barbie family had to move to the projects and start turning tricks to make ends meet and buy pampers for Midge's kid. You know, based on this photo.

Aside from Barbie looking skanky from the dress and hair and make-up, when did they change the Barbie proportions? I remember everyone used to be all up in arms about how busty and hip-y and whatever-y Barbie was, but now she just looks like an anorexic hooker (also read: crack whore). I'd much rather have my hypothetical children playing with a Barbie whose at least got some booty, because lord knows they'll inherit enough of it that they'll need to be comfortable with it and know how fab they can be without not eating.

I'm sure there are still fantastic Barbie clothes out there and if I were to go to a Toys R Us I'd see that doctor Barbie still exists, but I was really put off by the new version of Barbie. I want old Barbie back. Fortunately, I grew up loving Barbie and that will never change. I blame the real skanks, Bratz Dolls.


  1. I am also devastated and completely wigged out about the new Barbie. Why is her head to ginormous??? WHY?! And her joints? No! Barbie doesn't need joints! She was perfect with her slightly bent arms just the way she was.

    Someday, I'm going to have to freak out and buy old school Barbies online for ridiculous amounts of money so my children don't have to play with these hideous Monstrosity Barbies.

  2. You should probably just start loading up now on garage sale barbies. Even if you don't have a daughter, someone will appreciate the foresight.