Friday, December 9, 2011

Ooooh Craigslist...

Ever see posts on Craigslist and wonder WTF the poster was thinking? I do. Pretty much every time I have to find something on Craigslist. My finacé and I are moving to Atlanta next year and have begun the obligatory apartment/condo/house search so I've been on Craigslist quite a bit lately. Today I decided to venture out of the housing section and move on to the always fun "Everything Else That Craigslist Has to Offer".

The first gem I came across was:
"pick up a free pumpkin ...hate to throw in trash...not rotten...maybe-25-30 lbs" with this photo:

Seriously, folks? A free....pumpkin? AND you want someone to come pick it up? Is it really bothering you THAT much that you have to have someone come take it? And 25-30 pounds? Really? That DOG doesn't weigh 25-30 pounds. I have three rotten pumpkins on my back porch if anyone is interested. They're free, but you'll have to come pick them up.

The next post I came across was this one:
"Husband passed - has no need of these now (These are left over from an injury several years ago.)

Mostly full box of 100 McKesson Medi-Pak Performance Non-Adherent Sterile Pads - 3"x4"

19 McKesson Combine ABD Pads - 5"x9"
unopened package (200) McKesson Non-Woven Sponges - 4"x4", 4 ply
unopened package (10) Kendall Curity Gauze Sponges - 4"x4". 12 ply
unopened 4"x4 yd Dermacea Low Ply Bandage Roll - 3 ply"
 Granted, that is extremely sad that her husband passed away. But "has no need of these now"? Are you sure? Because he might still want them. He might become a zombie and THEN what will you do!? People need to be prepared for the zombie apocalypse and this lady is just giving up on preparedness.

The third awesome free Craigslist posting I came across was for:
"12 Misc VHS tapes"
"Mostly exercise related like Windsor Pilates, Callanetics, The Firm, Tae Boxing. They are in good condition, worked fine the last time we used them."
Wow. FOR FREE?! I smell a bargain. Do people even still have tape players? Can you still purchase a tape player? What are the chances there's a "special" VHS amongst Windsor Pilates? Because that could probably make this lot a lot more attractive to the people who are trolling the free section on Craigslist.

Like farting?:
"11 cans of beans"
"kidney beans
chick peas
garbanzo beans
black beans
all purchased within the last 2 months, we just don't eat them that often."

Why would you purchase them if you don't eat them? And why wouldn't you just take them to a food bank? This post really confuses me. Why wouldn't you just keep them in the event you might want to eat them in the next, I don't know, 5 years? Possibly keep them for the zombie apocalypse?? I'm really starting to believe the people on Craigslist don't even care about the zombie apocalypse.

Somebody must've gotten in trouble:
"Stuffed Animals"
"Kobuk the Husky Dog and Lambie the Puppet.
Used in excellent condition.

Pick up, please."

I don't know who Kobuk OR Lambie are, but I feel like there is a child in Atlanta who is SUPER pissed right now.

I see the Gideons have taken to Craigslist....:

Take my crappy old furniture, please!:
"Well worn recliner"
"Tan colored and large size 10 years old and well worn. It reclines fine, the main problem is the padding and all in the seat have gone flat. Also, there are two bolts that fell out of the cross brace underneath it, so it has a slight side motion sometimes, although that part should be easy to fix. Has a rip in the fabric, see picture #2."

A true salesperson created that write up of this dream boat of a recliner. "I have a really shitty recliner that my wife is tired of looking at. Please come pick it up so she doesn't divorce me". That would've been a lot better sales pitch.

Now THIS is a post!:
"HUGE jetted marble tub"

1) You must remove it, without damaging the house. House is being renovated, but you must pay for damage beyond the current state. All at your risk. This thing is about 400 pounds of thick cultured marble, so bring 6 + people and a huge truck. It is on the second floor, up some stairs, with a sharp turn. All egos aside, if you don't have some serious equipment and burly help, please stay away.

2) you must sign a release. This thing nearly broke my fingers yesterday & bent a flat bar.

Thanks to spammers, emails will not be answered. First come, first served.

 Call today, or this opulent masterpiece gets the jackhammer. "

Honesty is the best policy. And this post is brutally honest. I love it.

Somebody's been busy:
"Wine Bottles"
"I have about 30 empty wine bottles. They could be used for crafts or wine making. If anyone is interested in using them let me know. I am going to put them in the recycling bin at the end of the week if no one want's them."

THIRTY?! The real question is, if you didn't drink all of them in just a few days, why are you hoarding wine bottle?

Oh. God.:
"box of syringes with 20g needles for your livestock/animals"

Who wouldn't trust syringes you got for free on Craigslist?!

"A Pair of Glasses"
"I Have A Pair Of Glasses I Am Giving Away."

Good thing everyone needs the exact same pair of glasses

I have a feeling this post could go on forever, so I'll spare you. These were just a few of my favorites from the last couple of days. I do have to admit I gave away a couch on Craigslist once and it was awesome. I referred to the couch as a "Sexy Couch" (because it was absolutely heinous and I had no idea who would possibly want it) and the lady who ended up coming to get it referred to it as the "Sexy Couch" in every email. It was awesome. She also emailed me every time at like 3am and had an email address about Jesus and then added me to her Christian newsletter email blast. But she took the couch and it was awesome!

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