Homeless People Enjoy Bowling, Too

Sometimes Greg gets crazy ideas in his head like, sitting on the couch all day eating an entire Crock Pot of delicious Ro-Tel dip is not a productive enough Sunday and suggests activities to "Get us out of the house". Personally, I love being in the house and doing nothing but watching terrible movies and eating horrible food, but to each his own. And, I figure because he puts up with my incessant social networking, I owe it to him to occasionally entertain his exciting plans. Well, that and there was this one time I forced him to go to the zoo when it was literally 97* outside and he had one of the worst hang overs of his life that might have been mostly my fault. Don't ever force anyone with a hangover to go to the zoo. You will pay for it for years.

Greg's brilliant idea last night was to go bowling. There's a TCBY across the street, so I agreed.

As soon as we walked in, I knew this was, in fact, a brilliant idea. There were 32 total lanes and only 2 of those lanes were being occupied by other fanatical bowlers. Awesome. Of the 32 lanes, one lane had a homeless guy just hanging out at the table provided for that bowling lane watching the bowlers and sucking on his gums. That was lucky lane 25. We went to the counter, got our bowling shoes and got our lane assignment. Lucky lane 25. Fortunately, they threw in the homeless guy for free because apparently it costs $30.50 for two people to bowl two games and wear used shoes for an hour.

When we first started bowling, the only sounds in the place were the pins crashing into each other, children crying, and the homeless guy talking to himself in between sucking on his gums. After about 5 minutes, one of our fellow bowlers hooked us up with one of the most incredible 90's rap/R&B mixes of all time. I probably would've paid $16 for a copy of it if it was on an info-mercial and I was having a rabid bought of insomnia, it was THAT good. This glorious mix started with "Motown Philly".

Now, if you love Boyz II Men like I love Boyz II Men, you will understand when I say that when "MoTown Philly" comes on, you have to dance. It's like an unspoken rule for people who lived in the 90's. Imagine my absolute delight when the homeless guy started dancing to "MoTown Philly" too. He had clearly lived through the 90's and clearly knew what the fuck was up. And I loved him.

Eventually, all good things have to come to an end and the homeless guy peaced. But not before waving to all of us and yelling "TAKE CARE!" I should've bought him a beer...

Someone Pay Me Already!

I network, socially, often. I have Twitter apps and Facebook apps and Yelp apps and all kinds of apps and some of them don't even work. I post "hilarious" updates and statuses and photos and links and revel in the comments and the conversations I have with my friends and family about them. My boyfriend, however, does not think it's as hilarious because I'm typically posting these hilarious updates via my phone while he is present. We both work long hours, he works Saturdays, too, so I guess I can see why he might be a bit irritated, but when your girlfriend is as hilarious and entertaining as I am, I really think he should just let it slide.

A few days ago it occurred to me that if I was getting paid to write hilarious things and post awesome status updates about homeless guys in the bowling alley dancing to Boyz II Men, he could never be mad at me again! So I asked him, "Greg, if I was getting paid to do all of this, would I still be in trouble?" and he said, "No." And thus, my quest begins.

I have always wanted to be a writer...of some sort. I "published" my first book when I was in 1st grade and had my first poem actually published when I was about 6. In retrospect, I'm sure everything I wrote back then was total garbage and everyone was just being nice because I was trying to be a writer at such a young age, but the groundwork was laid. Since then, I've had a number of random, totally-unrelated-to-writing jobs and have really enjoyed a few of them, but have never really found anything I want to be married to. Writing is the one thing I keep coming back to. Unfortunately, as most people know, finding a job where you actually get paid to write is very, very, very, very difficult; hence, my quest. I figure, if it doesn't work out, what the heck. I gave it a shot and am no worse off than I was before AND a few people got to read some of my completely insane life stories that could only happen to me.

If you want to pay me to write, please contact me. I'll take your money. If you don't, no problem. Enjoy the free laughs.