Did this lady just get done mutilating a bird? Prizes given to the first person who can explain this ad...
Friday, January 27, 2012
Why I Probably Wouldn't Last More Than a Week in Prison, Despite My Beliefs that I Would
If you've never seen the show Beyond Scared Straight, go watch an episode and then come back. This is a show where they take troubled teens who are already getting involved with the law and try to scare them straight by taking them to prison for the day. And it's awesome. Seriously.
The show always has a few featured teens and they are always the same stereotypes:
Recently, they've had a few episodes that showed women's prisons. I've always thought that because I'm quite a bit larger than the average sized girl (5'10") I would always be ok in prison. I realize that most people probably don't think about their legitimacy if they were ever sent to prison, but these are the kinds of things that run through my head. "Would I be able to survive in prison? Or would I be someone's bitch?" However, after watching a few of these episodes with women's prisons, I quickly realized that I would be eaten alive in a week (unless I quickly learned to crochet like Martha Stewart and befriended everyone with my charm and domesticity) and probably be, like, 5 people's bitch.
Exhibit A: Diabla
This might be the scariest bitch I've ever seen ever. Her name is Diabla for God's sake!!! This women would eat me alive, both literally and figuratively. Diabla is the reason I would never make it in prison. Well, the primary reason.
Other reasons I wouldn't last longer than a week in prison include:
I'm really going to do my best to not end up in prison, but you better start plotting how you're going to break me out now, because there's now way I'll last. I'm just way too much of a pussy.
The show always has a few featured teens and they are always the same stereotypes:
- The kid who thinks he's badass, but is really just a big baby and ends up crying
- The kid who hasn't actually been in big trouble or done anything that bad, but has decent parents who are trying to prove a point
- The kid who actually is kind of a badass and vows to change after having someone explains how they will definitely get raped in prison, but ends up going right back to their naughty ways and, usually, in juvenile detention
- The kid who runs with a bad crowd and is just trying to get attention because they have terrible parents
Recently, they've had a few episodes that showed women's prisons. I've always thought that because I'm quite a bit larger than the average sized girl (5'10") I would always be ok in prison. I realize that most people probably don't think about their legitimacy if they were ever sent to prison, but these are the kinds of things that run through my head. "Would I be able to survive in prison? Or would I be someone's bitch?" However, after watching a few of these episodes with women's prisons, I quickly realized that I would be eaten alive in a week (unless I quickly learned to crochet like Martha Stewart and befriended everyone with my charm and domesticity) and probably be, like, 5 people's bitch.
Exhibit A: Diabla
This might be the scariest bitch I've ever seen ever. Her name is Diabla for God's sake!!! This women would eat me alive, both literally and figuratively. Diabla is the reason I would never make it in prison. Well, the primary reason.
Other reasons I wouldn't last longer than a week in prison include:
- I have never been in a physical fight in my life
- I stopped lifting weights about 6 months ago, although it would definitely be something I could pick back up in the joint
- I have never been involved in illegal activities, except for the time that my friends and I broke into a "cult" in high school and had a truck chase us back down a scary driveway after we knocked on the big garage door thing that was just randomly coming out of a huge hill...allegedly.
- I am extremely uncoordinated.
- I would probably be malnourished and frail due to not eating prison food because I'm weird about germs and stuff
- I am not in a gang
I'm really going to do my best to not end up in prison, but you better start plotting how you're going to break me out now, because there's now way I'll last. I'm just way too much of a pussy.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
What's Your Number?: Anna Faris, yet again, singlehandedly saves a movie
It's time for yet another installment of "I'm Too Lazy to Write a New Post, but Have Some Random Garbage on Another Blog to Share with You!". This installment is brought to you by "What's Your Number?", a cute film that came out last fall starring Anna Faris that was actually totally watchable! I'd guess that by now it's OnDemand or at Redbox or maybe even just on HBO, so you can check it out on the cheap!
If you love Anna Faris like I love Anna Faris, you will love "What's Your Number?" When previews first started showing about this one, I was skeptical. Then I re-watched "The House Bunny" and remembered that Anna Faris can singlehandedly carry a very average movie and decided to give her newest one a shot. And I was not let down.
For the ladies: Anna Faris combines the difficult task of being hilarious and being a girl. She doesn't take herself too seriously and seems like someone I would actually want to hang out with (unlike some actresses *cough*Gwyneth Paltrow*cough*JenniferAniston*Cough*). This attitude carries over wonderfully into every character she portrays and keeps even dull movies interesting. And, for the slutty ladies, she'll make you feel like you're not that big of a whore.
For the guys: She's in her underwear for a good portion of the movie.
The premise of this movie is based on a "study" done on how your number of sexual partners relates to your ability to get married. According to the "study" if you've slept with 20 or more guys, you have a 96% chance of never getting married and dying a lonely, slutty cat lady. They don't exactly say the cat lady thing, but we all know if you end up alone, you end up a crazy cat lady. Ally (Anna Faris's character) realizes she's slept with 19 guys and has to keep her legs shut until she finds the man of her dreams, number 20, so she can ensure he's the guy she'll marry and she doesn't go over the magic number.
Unfortunately, tequila is involved and the pact with herself (and everyone else in the bar) doesn't last long. Joel McHale (of The Soup fame) makes a quick appearance in the movie as Ally's boss and nails it. You'll never look at someone smelling their hand the same again!
Once hitting that magic 20, Ally decides she has to go back and revisit every guy she's slept with so she can ensure she'll still get hitched some day. As you can imagine, there are hilarious scenes with her former lovers that will literally make you LOL. Can you imagine if you went back through all of yours??? Exactly. Her perfect comedic timing and unforgettable facial expressions truly made this movie. Colin (played by the ever sexy Chris Evans, who happens to be shirtless often in this film) is Ally's slutty male neighbor helping her along in her quest. You pretty much figure out what's going to happen in the first 25 minutes of the movie, but it's funny enough to keep you guessing and Anna Faris shows her butt enough that guys will stay entertained as well.
Little one liners are peppered throughout (my personal favorite: "He has terrible taste in fonts" I mean, seriously, wtf does that even mean?) to make you chuckle.
I have to point out that Rotten Tomatoes says this movie is terrible. Luckily, they've gotten it terribly wrong. The movie is funny, engaging, and cute. Great movie for a girls night out with some cocktails before (and after, who are we kidding) or for a date night with that special guy you're trying to convince you have good taste in movies.
If you love Anna Faris like I love Anna Faris, you will love "What's Your Number?" When previews first started showing about this one, I was skeptical. Then I re-watched "The House Bunny" and remembered that Anna Faris can singlehandedly carry a very average movie and decided to give her newest one a shot. And I was not let down.
For the ladies: Anna Faris combines the difficult task of being hilarious and being a girl. She doesn't take herself too seriously and seems like someone I would actually want to hang out with (unlike some actresses *cough*Gwyneth Paltrow*cough*JenniferAniston*Cough*). This attitude carries over wonderfully into every character she portrays and keeps even dull movies interesting. And, for the slutty ladies, she'll make you feel like you're not that big of a whore.
For the guys: She's in her underwear for a good portion of the movie.
The premise of this movie is based on a "study" done on how your number of sexual partners relates to your ability to get married. According to the "study" if you've slept with 20 or more guys, you have a 96% chance of never getting married and dying a lonely, slutty cat lady. They don't exactly say the cat lady thing, but we all know if you end up alone, you end up a crazy cat lady. Ally (Anna Faris's character) realizes she's slept with 19 guys and has to keep her legs shut until she finds the man of her dreams, number 20, so she can ensure he's the guy she'll marry and she doesn't go over the magic number.
Unfortunately, tequila is involved and the pact with herself (and everyone else in the bar) doesn't last long. Joel McHale (of The Soup fame) makes a quick appearance in the movie as Ally's boss and nails it. You'll never look at someone smelling their hand the same again!
Once hitting that magic 20, Ally decides she has to go back and revisit every guy she's slept with so she can ensure she'll still get hitched some day. As you can imagine, there are hilarious scenes with her former lovers that will literally make you LOL. Can you imagine if you went back through all of yours??? Exactly. Her perfect comedic timing and unforgettable facial expressions truly made this movie. Colin (played by the ever sexy Chris Evans, who happens to be shirtless often in this film) is Ally's slutty male neighbor helping her along in her quest. You pretty much figure out what's going to happen in the first 25 minutes of the movie, but it's funny enough to keep you guessing and Anna Faris shows her butt enough that guys will stay entertained as well.
Little one liners are peppered throughout (my personal favorite: "He has terrible taste in fonts" I mean, seriously, wtf does that even mean?) to make you chuckle.
I have to point out that Rotten Tomatoes says this movie is terrible. Luckily, they've gotten it terribly wrong. The movie is funny, engaging, and cute. Great movie for a girls night out with some cocktails before (and after, who are we kidding) or for a date night with that special guy you're trying to convince you have good taste in movies.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
An Actual Conversation with My Sister (and also why I shouldn't have babies)
The following is an actual conversation between my sister and I after I saw photos of a friend's newborn baby on Facebook...with a LOT of hair. (Please keep in mind that this was a gchat, in case it seems like someone is a little *ahem* slow.)
me: isn't it weird that babies are born with hair?
like, you have hair growing INSIDE of you!?
and fingernails and shit?
creeps me out
Liz: they have fingernails, too
me: exactly
and penises
Liz: dude
they're little people
me: you could have a penis growing inside of you
Liz: what do you think they'd look like/have
also true
me: I don't even know
the whole thing creeps me out
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
The Lost Boys: A review from the perspective of someone who saw this movie for the first time as an adult
Yeah, this is another copied movie review from my other blog because I'm super lazy, get over it. I don't have a real excuse for being so lazy, but I DO have a staph infection in my leg from a spa! Seriously. More to come on that...
As the title suggests, I recently saw "The Lost Boys" for the first time. I noted to The Boyfriend that I was in the mood to watch a scary movie since it's finally October. We had just gotten a new Logitech Revue that allows you to stream movies straight to your TV (we'd been linking the Mac up until now, due to our lack of video game consoles, and it was a mess) and I was antsy to try it out! After striking out with Netflix, we turned to Crackle.com with whom the Revue has an agreement and were able to choose from a few totally free options. "The Lost Boys" won as The Boyfriend expressed his disgust that I had not yet seen it. I was assured that this movie was plenty scary and I would love it as much as everyone else does.
Now, I'm a lover of classic 80's movies as much as the next guy and really had high hopes for this one; I was surprisingly disappointed.
I have a feeling most people already know how the movie goes, so I'll keep the synopsis short. A family (mom and two sons) move to California to live with the kooky old grandpa who is fond of taxidermied animals and the ladies. On their way into town, the boys see "Murder Capital of America" grafittied on the back of a billboard. Scary, right!? They pretty much immediately head to the boardwalk to meet some ladies and check out the scene. Mike, the big brother, sees some broad with a perm and decides to stalk her. He ends up getting mixed up with the wrong crowd, eats some maggots, drinks some blood, and becomes a vampire. The movie progresses at a decent pace from here, but with little character development and lots of vampire type activities. At the end of the movie, you find out who the Head Vamp is and yada, yada, yada, everyone is happy.
To me, it was amazing that people had been tolerating vampires for years in this community and no one, until Corey Haim, thought to seek out the Head Vamp and kill him/her. Or maybe they had thought of it, but nobody actually did it. Seeing this movie for the first time as an adult is a terrible idea. I'm sure everyone has wonderful memories of this movie, but it just didn't do it for adult me.
Maybe it's the recent vampire obsession, maybe it's the fact that I read the "info" on the movie before we watched it, or maybe it's because the movie isn't that well written, but I pretty much figured out the plot within the first 10 minutes of the movie. According to The Boyfriend, I wasn't supposed to know that they were vampires and I wasn't supposed to realize so soon that the brother "Mike" was turning into one. Unfortunately, living in 2011 pretty much ruined the surprise.
After all the hype surrounding this movie, I was really expecting something great that would stand the test of time. I'm sure that as a child, which most people I know were when this movie came out, it was very
scary. I'm also sure that if I had been 11, I would've thought Corey Haim was the cats pajamas. Sadly, I know how "The Corey Haim Story" ends and saw him on "Celebrity Rehab", so any illusions were dismissed at the door.
If you watched this movie as a kid, and haven't seen it since, don't watch it again! It will ruin your wonderful memories. If you're presently an adult and haven't ever seen it, only watch it if you have young children you want to scare. You're bound to re-evaluate everyone's opinion about everything who has told you it's awesome. Sorry, but it's not. The only awesome thing was the dog.
As the title suggests, I recently saw "The Lost Boys" for the first time. I noted to The Boyfriend that I was in the mood to watch a scary movie since it's finally October. We had just gotten a new Logitech Revue that allows you to stream movies straight to your TV (we'd been linking the Mac up until now, due to our lack of video game consoles, and it was a mess) and I was antsy to try it out! After striking out with Netflix, we turned to Crackle.com with whom the Revue has an agreement and were able to choose from a few totally free options. "The Lost Boys" won as The Boyfriend expressed his disgust that I had not yet seen it. I was assured that this movie was plenty scary and I would love it as much as everyone else does.
Now, I'm a lover of classic 80's movies as much as the next guy and really had high hopes for this one; I was surprisingly disappointed.
I have a feeling most people already know how the movie goes, so I'll keep the synopsis short. A family (mom and two sons) move to California to live with the kooky old grandpa who is fond of taxidermied animals and the ladies. On their way into town, the boys see "Murder Capital of America" grafittied on the back of a billboard. Scary, right!? They pretty much immediately head to the boardwalk to meet some ladies and check out the scene. Mike, the big brother, sees some broad with a perm and decides to stalk her. He ends up getting mixed up with the wrong crowd, eats some maggots, drinks some blood, and becomes a vampire. The movie progresses at a decent pace from here, but with little character development and lots of vampire type activities. At the end of the movie, you find out who the Head Vamp is and yada, yada, yada, everyone is happy.
 |
| This probably would've scared the shit out of me when I was 8. |
To me, it was amazing that people had been tolerating vampires for years in this community and no one, until Corey Haim, thought to seek out the Head Vamp and kill him/her. Or maybe they had thought of it, but nobody actually did it. Seeing this movie for the first time as an adult is a terrible idea. I'm sure everyone has wonderful memories of this movie, but it just didn't do it for adult me.
Maybe it's the recent vampire obsession, maybe it's the fact that I read the "info" on the movie before we watched it, or maybe it's because the movie isn't that well written, but I pretty much figured out the plot within the first 10 minutes of the movie. According to The Boyfriend, I wasn't supposed to know that they were vampires and I wasn't supposed to realize so soon that the brother "Mike" was turning into one. Unfortunately, living in 2011 pretty much ruined the surprise.
After all the hype surrounding this movie, I was really expecting something great that would stand the test of time. I'm sure that as a child, which most people I know were when this movie came out, it was very
scary. I'm also sure that if I had been 11, I would've thought Corey Haim was the cats pajamas. Sadly, I know how "The Corey Haim Story" ends and saw him on "Celebrity Rehab", so any illusions were dismissed at the door.
 |
| Probably would've thought Corey Haim was hot when I was 8, too. |
If you watched this movie as a kid, and haven't seen it since, don't watch it again! It will ruin your wonderful memories. If you're presently an adult and haven't ever seen it, only watch it if you have young children you want to scare. You're bound to re-evaluate everyone's opinion about everything who has told you it's awesome. Sorry, but it's not. The only awesome thing was the dog.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
MCAT Study Guides: The Epitome of Comedy
I'm kind of the "loser" in my family. My older sister is an attorney and my younger sister is going to be a doctor (and not like, she's pre-med, but has no actual chance of becoming a doctor, like she's practically a genius and will probably become a brain surgeon or something). I'm just a lowly sales professional (although an awesome one!). However, after hearing the horror stories from my older sister about studying for the LSATs and the Bar and just studying in school in general, and now hearing my younger sister talk about studying for the MCAT and how hard she studies in school, I definitely feel justified in my decision to "just" be a business major and "just" be a sales professional. I had horrible study skills and never would've made it in post-graduate studies (one of the misfortunes of being intellectually gifted I suppose...TERRIBLE study skills even when you actually need them)!
So my younger sister is now studying for the MCAT and obviously quite serious about it, so she's using a Kaplan brand study guide to help prepare. Apparently, Kaplan thinks they're awesome and hilarious and decide to incorporate comments like this into their books (this nugget of awesome came from a physics study guide...booooorrriinnnggg):
"Frankly, dropping balls isn't all that exciting. Imagine how much more thrilling it would be to encounter a falling cat or a turkey sandwich or, better yet, a falling cat eating a turkey sandwich. Now that would be something."
I noted to my sister that while physics is extremely boring to me, I would actually LOVE to see a falling cat eating a turkey sandwich. So I present you with, "Mr. Giggles Falling Whilst Eating a Turkey Sandwich".
So my younger sister is now studying for the MCAT and obviously quite serious about it, so she's using a Kaplan brand study guide to help prepare. Apparently, Kaplan thinks they're awesome and hilarious and decide to incorporate comments like this into their books (this nugget of awesome came from a physics study guide...booooorrriinnnggg):
"Frankly, dropping balls isn't all that exciting. Imagine how much more thrilling it would be to encounter a falling cat or a turkey sandwich or, better yet, a falling cat eating a turkey sandwich. Now that would be something."
I noted to my sister that while physics is extremely boring to me, I would actually LOVE to see a falling cat eating a turkey sandwich. So I present you with, "Mr. Giggles Falling Whilst Eating a Turkey Sandwich".
Like I mentioned, I'm not much of a studier and only liked the "college" part of school (that is to say, the going out with my girlfriends and drinking too many red bull vodkas and wearing outfits that I would never wear in front of my mother), so I'll never be a doctor or a lawyer, but I'm a hell of a creative artist! So I decided, as a gift to my book strapped sister, I would illustrate her boring ass book. And I have to say, I think my drawing came out AWESOME! I can't wait for more excerpt so I can illustrate those, too. And don't worry, I'll share.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Semi-Extreme Couponing: Brought To You By A Beginner
Have you ever seen that show on TLC called Extreme Couponing? It's awesome in that "you-are-secretly-a-hoarder-but-found-a-way-to-justify-your-crazy-for-a-while" kind of way. And I love it. I've always loved saving money and seek out a great sale, but couponing has taken my love of an awesome deal to a new level.
When I started couponing, I had no idea what I was doing. I subscribed to the newspaper and dug out the coupons every Sunday, clipped them, alphabetized them, then went to the store with my coupons and whatever was on sale that I had a coupon for, I would buy. The first time I went I think I saved about $75, which was awesome! But I spent about $200, which was not awesome. I got laundry detergent, and cereal, and bread, and butter, and dish soap, and shampoo, and whatever else I could find. But I wasn't actually getting "good deals", I was just buying nonsense and cluttering my home with it. There are loads of couponing websites out there with great advice, but I didn't (and still haven't, really) spent any time on them to find out the tricks of the trade. However, I feel like I'm finally starting to get the hang of it and figure out the tricks of the trade.
In a recent coupon trip, I spent $40 for $88 worth of groceries. I saved $48! I also should mention that I picked up things to make dinner for a few nights as well, so about $20-25 of what I spent was on non-coupon, generic items that were on my regular list that were in no way on sale. In this trip I got a few things for free and didn't spend more than $1 for each of my coupon items. Repeat, I got a few things for free!!! It was definitely my best couponing trip ever and reinforced some of the principles I've been trying to adopt in my couponing adventure.
Thinking about starting to coupon? Here are some tips so you can avoid making the same rookie mistakes I did or at least get started on the right foot:
1.) Tight on money? Don't subscribe to every day of the newspaper. I am still subscribed to all 7 days and never read any of them and rarely get coupons on Wednesday, which is supposed to be a big day for them. Just subscribe to Sundays. Some serious couponers get several Sunday newspapers, but for a beginner, that's just not necessary. If you're super tight on money, you can ask gas stations, grocery stores, wherever they get the news paper, to save the Sunday papers/coupons for you. Free coupons! You can also dumpster dive, but that can get messy. However, if you live in an apartment complex that has recycling bins, that can be a good place to look as most people don't coupon.
2.) Find out what your favorite store's coupon policy says. In Charlotte, North Carolina, we primarily have Harris Teeter. They double coupons every day and have "super double" coupon days (where they double coupons up to $1.98, rather than the $.99 they'll normally double), however, they will only double up to 20 coupons. They'll still take as many as you have, but it's worth going on double days or saving some for your next trip to get the doubled value.
3.) Only use your coupons on items that are on sale or that you'll use anyway. The secret to couponing is the combination of coupons plus sales. Combining the two is what gets you the great deals. Granted, there are some things that we use on a regular basis anyway, so using a coupon just saves money on something we'll likely buy without one. If you have a great coupon, but that item isn't on sale, it's better to save the coupon for a while and see if it will go on sale. Chances are, it will. Which leads me to...
4.) Check the ad pages to see what's on sale and plan ahead. A lot of stores now even post their weekly specials online so you can scope out the deals before you get there, or without having to wait for the ad in the paper. Having a list of everything you're going to buy and getting your coupons ready will save TONS of time! I have, literally, spent 2 hours in the grocery store trying to get my coupons together on the fly. It's a terrible idea and will not only take you a long time, but you won't get all of the good deals you should because it's so easy to forget about one coupon. I should note, however, that some things you'll go looking for will be out of stock (thanks to other crazy couponers), so put a few back-up items on your list (if you're limited to 20 like I am). That way you can take advantage of the full limit and get all of your deals in one trip.
5.) This seems obvious, but alphabetize your coupons. I started out with an envelope with my coupons alphabetized and paper clipped. Super easy, super cheap. Thanks to my fab aunt, I've since upgraded to a "Coupon Cubby" that looks like a really cute red croc clutch, but is in fact a perfectly organized coupon holder. A lot of couponers swear by using binders and other things, but I like to keep it simple.
6.) Only cut coupons of things you think you might actually buy or use. Clipping 20 diaper coupons isn't going to do me any good, nor is clipping 100 vitamin coupons. I don't use diapers or have a baby and most of the vitamin coupons are things I wouldn't buy anyway. Of course, there will be some things you get that might not be your favorite, but if it's something you might use, go ahead and clip it!
7.) Don't be brand specific! This is one problem we have in our house, my fiance is super brand specific. He's slowly getting better about this, but will only use certain shampoo and specific soap and the perfect shave gel. I'll use whatever is cheap! You definitely have to be brand flexible to make couponing work. Sometimes your favorite brands will be on sale, and sometimes they won't. However, it can be a great way to find new favorites, too! I discovered my new favorite deodorant by couponing because it usually only costs me $.50 per stick! Turns out, it's awesome, too!
8.) Avoid coupons that require you to buy two, three, four, six of anything. Hamburger Helper always has coupons that are "Save $.45 on SIX!", obviously, that's not a good deal. Cereal companies are notorious for "Save $.75 on THREE!". Even on double day, saving $1.50 on $12 worth of cereal is not a great deal, unless of course, it's cereal that you're going to eat anyway, then it's awesome to save money on cereal! (See #3!) But usually, you'll end up buying things you don't really want anyway and pay a premium to get the requisite amount.
9.) Take your coupons everywhere! You never know when you'll spot a great deal! ...unless you carry a giant binders with your coupons. That could just get weird.
I hope my couponing tips can help you get started, or more efficient, in your couponing! It really is a fun way to save money and gets me all jacked up when I have a good trip! I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a lot of booty shaking in my house when I save a ton of money and have an awesome trip!
When I started couponing, I had no idea what I was doing. I subscribed to the newspaper and dug out the coupons every Sunday, clipped them, alphabetized them, then went to the store with my coupons and whatever was on sale that I had a coupon for, I would buy. The first time I went I think I saved about $75, which was awesome! But I spent about $200, which was not awesome. I got laundry detergent, and cereal, and bread, and butter, and dish soap, and shampoo, and whatever else I could find. But I wasn't actually getting "good deals", I was just buying nonsense and cluttering my home with it. There are loads of couponing websites out there with great advice, but I didn't (and still haven't, really) spent any time on them to find out the tricks of the trade. However, I feel like I'm finally starting to get the hang of it and figure out the tricks of the trade.
In a recent coupon trip, I spent $40 for $88 worth of groceries. I saved $48! I also should mention that I picked up things to make dinner for a few nights as well, so about $20-25 of what I spent was on non-coupon, generic items that were on my regular list that were in no way on sale. In this trip I got a few things for free and didn't spend more than $1 for each of my coupon items. Repeat, I got a few things for free!!! It was definitely my best couponing trip ever and reinforced some of the principles I've been trying to adopt in my couponing adventure.
Thinking about starting to coupon? Here are some tips so you can avoid making the same rookie mistakes I did or at least get started on the right foot:
1.) Tight on money? Don't subscribe to every day of the newspaper. I am still subscribed to all 7 days and never read any of them and rarely get coupons on Wednesday, which is supposed to be a big day for them. Just subscribe to Sundays. Some serious couponers get several Sunday newspapers, but for a beginner, that's just not necessary. If you're super tight on money, you can ask gas stations, grocery stores, wherever they get the news paper, to save the Sunday papers/coupons for you. Free coupons! You can also dumpster dive, but that can get messy. However, if you live in an apartment complex that has recycling bins, that can be a good place to look as most people don't coupon.
2.) Find out what your favorite store's coupon policy says. In Charlotte, North Carolina, we primarily have Harris Teeter. They double coupons every day and have "super double" coupon days (where they double coupons up to $1.98, rather than the $.99 they'll normally double), however, they will only double up to 20 coupons. They'll still take as many as you have, but it's worth going on double days or saving some for your next trip to get the doubled value.
3.) Only use your coupons on items that are on sale or that you'll use anyway. The secret to couponing is the combination of coupons plus sales. Combining the two is what gets you the great deals. Granted, there are some things that we use on a regular basis anyway, so using a coupon just saves money on something we'll likely buy without one. If you have a great coupon, but that item isn't on sale, it's better to save the coupon for a while and see if it will go on sale. Chances are, it will. Which leads me to...
4.) Check the ad pages to see what's on sale and plan ahead. A lot of stores now even post their weekly specials online so you can scope out the deals before you get there, or without having to wait for the ad in the paper. Having a list of everything you're going to buy and getting your coupons ready will save TONS of time! I have, literally, spent 2 hours in the grocery store trying to get my coupons together on the fly. It's a terrible idea and will not only take you a long time, but you won't get all of the good deals you should because it's so easy to forget about one coupon. I should note, however, that some things you'll go looking for will be out of stock (thanks to other crazy couponers), so put a few back-up items on your list (if you're limited to 20 like I am). That way you can take advantage of the full limit and get all of your deals in one trip.
5.) This seems obvious, but alphabetize your coupons. I started out with an envelope with my coupons alphabetized and paper clipped. Super easy, super cheap. Thanks to my fab aunt, I've since upgraded to a "Coupon Cubby" that looks like a really cute red croc clutch, but is in fact a perfectly organized coupon holder. A lot of couponers swear by using binders and other things, but I like to keep it simple.
6.) Only cut coupons of things you think you might actually buy or use. Clipping 20 diaper coupons isn't going to do me any good, nor is clipping 100 vitamin coupons. I don't use diapers or have a baby and most of the vitamin coupons are things I wouldn't buy anyway. Of course, there will be some things you get that might not be your favorite, but if it's something you might use, go ahead and clip it!
7.) Don't be brand specific! This is one problem we have in our house, my fiance is super brand specific. He's slowly getting better about this, but will only use certain shampoo and specific soap and the perfect shave gel. I'll use whatever is cheap! You definitely have to be brand flexible to make couponing work. Sometimes your favorite brands will be on sale, and sometimes they won't. However, it can be a great way to find new favorites, too! I discovered my new favorite deodorant by couponing because it usually only costs me $.50 per stick! Turns out, it's awesome, too!
8.) Avoid coupons that require you to buy two, three, four, six of anything. Hamburger Helper always has coupons that are "Save $.45 on SIX!", obviously, that's not a good deal. Cereal companies are notorious for "Save $.75 on THREE!". Even on double day, saving $1.50 on $12 worth of cereal is not a great deal, unless of course, it's cereal that you're going to eat anyway, then it's awesome to save money on cereal! (See #3!) But usually, you'll end up buying things you don't really want anyway and pay a premium to get the requisite amount.
9.) Take your coupons everywhere! You never know when you'll spot a great deal! ...unless you carry a giant binders with your coupons. That could just get weird.
I hope my couponing tips can help you get started, or more efficient, in your couponing! It really is a fun way to save money and gets me all jacked up when I have a good trip! I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a lot of booty shaking in my house when I save a ton of money and have an awesome trip!
Fake Meat: The New Meat
My sister is a vegetarian. Not like a weirdo, PETA, I-steal-animals-in-the-middle of the night kind of vegetarian (although if you're that brand of crazy, that's fine too...), but a strange offshoot, a I-genuinely-don't-like-the-taste-or-texture-of-meat vegetarian. Weird, right? Well, except bacon, who can resist bacon? No one, that's right. I tell you this to preface this story and to explain why I even know about fake meat and would try it. Although my sister is a bacotarian, her husband is a rabid omnivore. This man loves meat. (That sounds strangely homoerotic, but I swear I just mean, like, pulled pork, and steak, and random dead birds and stuff), so occasionally they will try fake meat products. After being assured by her and her husband that some of these fake meat items were actually quite tasty, I decided to give them a go myself.
I started with something easy, Morningstar Farms "Buffalo Wings". These are, essentially, chicken flavored soy stuff processed to be in the shape and texture of a chicken nugget with a super spicy buffalo crunchy shell. And they are awesome. My first foray into fake meat was actually a success! Dip these little babies into some ketchup and ranch and BADABING! Gourmet!
Last night I decided to get a little crazier and really test this fake meat business. So I picked up a pack of Lightlife "Smart Gounds" and decided to make some yummy tacos (p.s. these Smart Grounds are ZERO grams of fat, ZERO! Which I just took to mean I could now justify the immense amounts of cheese I put on everything). I figured I could make them exactly as I normally do, feel them to my fiance without telling him it was fake meat, and then see the result. My plan could not have worked more perfectly. After "browning" the Smart Grounds, they looked exactly like ground beef. Step one of my master plan went even better than expected. I added a pack of my favorite taco seasoning, let it simmer, announced "DINNER!!!!", and sat back and waited.
I made sure to get my food first and hurry to try it before he did just to make sure it didn't taste like ass or have some weird textural difference. There was a bit of a difference in the taste, as you'd expect, but I wouldn't say it was a bad different, just different. So I kept waiting for the review. Finally, I asked, "How are your tacos?!"after he had eaten an entire taco without saying anything and he completely ignored me because he was totally engrossed in the episode of 30 Rock that was on TV because we're a bad family and totally eat dinner in the living room in front of the TV. So I asked again, "HOW ARE YOUR TACOS???" In case he had accidentally gone deaf in the last minute. His response, "Oh, they're good. Did you do something different with the meat?" DUN DUN DUUUUNNN...
Me, "Why, do you not like them? Do you think they're bad???" Him, "No, I actually think they're awesome. Probably the best ever. I was just wondering because it tastes different" Seriously. Said they were his favorite ever. Fake meat. No shit. Me, "Weeelll, that's the thing. It's not actually meat. It's fake meat. It's, like, soy meat." Him, "Hm. Weird. They taste awesome. I guess I like fake meat. I think that's great. A lot healthier, huh?"
SCORE FOR FAKE MEAT!
In case you were ever on the fence about fake meat, after this, I definitely recommend trying it. Even if you have to trick someone into eating it. Like I mentioned before, it's ZERO grams of fat, tastes close enough to real ground beef that with some seasoning you don't know the difference, and a 12 oz. pack is really only a bit more than a pound of beef (which I would guess probably 4 oz. is all fat anyway). I think mine was about $4. I definitely plan on trying more things that I normally use ground beef with the Smart Grounds. I think it would make excellent chili, too, so I'll be trying that next!
If you have any fake meat experiences or suggestions, I would love to hear them! Fake meat has really come a long way and will definitely be a new staple in my diet.
I started with something easy, Morningstar Farms "Buffalo Wings". These are, essentially, chicken flavored soy stuff processed to be in the shape and texture of a chicken nugget with a super spicy buffalo crunchy shell. And they are awesome. My first foray into fake meat was actually a success! Dip these little babies into some ketchup and ranch and BADABING! Gourmet!
I made sure to get my food first and hurry to try it before he did just to make sure it didn't taste like ass or have some weird textural difference. There was a bit of a difference in the taste, as you'd expect, but I wouldn't say it was a bad different, just different. So I kept waiting for the review. Finally, I asked, "How are your tacos?!"after he had eaten an entire taco without saying anything and he completely ignored me because he was totally engrossed in the episode of 30 Rock that was on TV because we're a bad family and totally eat dinner in the living room in front of the TV. So I asked again, "HOW ARE YOUR TACOS???" In case he had accidentally gone deaf in the last minute. His response, "Oh, they're good. Did you do something different with the meat?" DUN DUN DUUUUNNN...
Me, "Why, do you not like them? Do you think they're bad???" Him, "No, I actually think they're awesome. Probably the best ever. I was just wondering because it tastes different" Seriously. Said they were his favorite ever. Fake meat. No shit. Me, "Weeelll, that's the thing. It's not actually meat. It's fake meat. It's, like, soy meat." Him, "Hm. Weird. They taste awesome. I guess I like fake meat. I think that's great. A lot healthier, huh?"
SCORE FOR FAKE MEAT!
In case you were ever on the fence about fake meat, after this, I definitely recommend trying it. Even if you have to trick someone into eating it. Like I mentioned before, it's ZERO grams of fat, tastes close enough to real ground beef that with some seasoning you don't know the difference, and a 12 oz. pack is really only a bit more than a pound of beef (which I would guess probably 4 oz. is all fat anyway). I think mine was about $4. I definitely plan on trying more things that I normally use ground beef with the Smart Grounds. I think it would make excellent chili, too, so I'll be trying that next!
If you have any fake meat experiences or suggestions, I would love to hear them! Fake meat has really come a long way and will definitely be a new staple in my diet.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
The Shawshank Redemption: Not a movie about the Holocaust
A few months ago, I decided I should start a movie review blog. Just to get you up to speed on why I started the review blog, etc., I have seen very few "classic" movies or movies that you're "supposed to see", and my fiance thinks this is hilarious/annoying. I don't get references from random 80's-90's movies and it drives him crazy. So I decided I would start trying to watch these movies to get caught up. Unfortunately, this backfired and I ended up hating almost all of the movies he would recommend. Apparently, I'm too young to get some of the humor from the 80's and 90's...or the movies are really just that terrible. Turns out I'm horribly lazy and don't actually watch enough movies to make this work, so now I'm going to be even lazier and just post my reviews here over the next few days. This first one, as the title suggests, is about the Shawshank Redemption. Which I thought was about the holocaust until I actually watched it. Seriously.
For the past 17 years, I had been under the impression that The Shawshank Redemption was a movie about the Holocaust. Apparently, because Shindler's List and The Shawshank Redeption both came out about the same year and I was only 9 at the time, I've been confused my entire life. How I was never corrected is incredible, but I must've always been with other ingrates who had never seen the movie either. Fortunately, I recently corrected the error of my ways.
There are some movies that are "classics" that I make a point to watch and are ultimately disappointed. Citizen Kane is probably the best example of this. Maybe I'm not cultured enough or don't understand cinematography, but I literally fell asleep watching Citizen Kane and the only reason I watched it in the first place is because I never understood what the hell my dad was talking about when he always said "Rosebud". (SPOILER ALERT: It's a freaking sled.)That being said, I was a bit reluctant to watch The Shawshank Redemption because most things that people constantly say are awesome aren't actually that awesome, they just don't want to be an outcast and say it sucks.
Luckily, The Shawshank Redemption IS that awesome and my belief in "classics" is restored!
So, this movie, it turns out, takes place in a prison. Not Nazi Germany. And the premise is that a successful banker is incorrectly accused of killing his cheating wife and he is sent to prison. All of the normal prison movie things that you think would happen, do happen. However, this is one of the few movies out there where things actually go the way you want them to go. It's awesome. Bad guys get beat downs and good guys get beer. I'm assuming I'm the only person left in America who had never seen this movie, so I won't bore you with the details.
I will just say that if you haven't seen The Shawshank Redemption (one of the 1% of Americans left), go find one of those old fashioned "movie stores" and rent it. Like now. (To those of you who don't know what a "movie store" is, it's this place where people used to go to borrow VHS(tapes) movies for certain period of time. You had to leave your couch to get movies and sometimes they were out of whatever it was you went to get! It was horrible!) You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll love Morgan Freeman even more than you already do(should).
For the past 17 years, I had been under the impression that The Shawshank Redemption was a movie about the Holocaust. Apparently, because Shindler's List and The Shawshank Redeption both came out about the same year and I was only 9 at the time, I've been confused my entire life. How I was never corrected is incredible, but I must've always been with other ingrates who had never seen the movie either. Fortunately, I recently corrected the error of my ways.
There are some movies that are "classics" that I make a point to watch and are ultimately disappointed. Citizen Kane is probably the best example of this. Maybe I'm not cultured enough or don't understand cinematography, but I literally fell asleep watching Citizen Kane and the only reason I watched it in the first place is because I never understood what the hell my dad was talking about when he always said "Rosebud". (SPOILER ALERT: It's a freaking sled.)That being said, I was a bit reluctant to watch The Shawshank Redemption because most things that people constantly say are awesome aren't actually that awesome, they just don't want to be an outcast and say it sucks.
Luckily, The Shawshank Redemption IS that awesome and my belief in "classics" is restored!
So, this movie, it turns out, takes place in a prison. Not Nazi Germany. And the premise is that a successful banker is incorrectly accused of killing his cheating wife and he is sent to prison. All of the normal prison movie things that you think would happen, do happen. However, this is one of the few movies out there where things actually go the way you want them to go. It's awesome. Bad guys get beat downs and good guys get beer. I'm assuming I'm the only person left in America who had never seen this movie, so I won't bore you with the details.
I will just say that if you haven't seen The Shawshank Redemption (one of the 1% of Americans left), go find one of those old fashioned "movie stores" and rent it. Like now. (To those of you who don't know what a "movie store" is, it's this place where people used to go to borrow VHS(tapes) movies for certain period of time. You had to leave your couch to get movies and sometimes they were out of whatever it was you went to get! It was horrible!) You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll love Morgan Freeman even more than you already do(should).
Monday, January 9, 2012
Everyone Should Have Siblings This Obnoxious and Awesome!
So, I'm moving to Atlanta at the beginning of February with my fiancé for his job, so we've had a few trips down that way recently in hopes of not being homeless. After months of searching, we finally found a place to live, and are no longer intermittently homeless. WOOT!
Atlanta is a HUGE city. Way bigger than anywhere I've ever lived before (Kansas City, Missouri, Kirksville, Missouri, Charlotte, North Carolina), well, except for that 6 year stint I had previously in Atlanta, but I don't think it counts if you were pooping your pants for at least 2 of those years. (Unless it was during college and you have a bad habit while drinking) I was actually born in Atlanta and went to Kindergarten there, but I don't think that counts as actually "living" somewhere since I probably never ventured outside of the 20 mile radius of where I was born and lived. Needless to say, there is some crazy shit going on in that town. From "Occupy Atlanta" protesters camping out in front of a run down house in a bad part of town, to a homeless dude, ahem, "touching" himself in broad daylight on the sidewalks, to finding out that someone got shot outside of a bar I was at just a few months prior. All totally awesome.
This past weekend during a marathon apartment hunt, however, I came across another kind of crazy. An awesome kind of crazy.
Yes, that says "Please Hire My Brother! He's a Salesman www.BillFrenkel.com" and then the phone number. The website is still active and is basically just the guys resume and email address.
How awesome is that?! Granted, it was in kind of a weird location right across from a bunch of train tracks on a road that not many people were on, but it's still awesome! I mean, of course there's always a chance that his brother lives in his basement and is a real jerk and he's just trying to get him out, but that's still pretty darn cool. That sign itself would've cost $100!
The economy is still a little rough, but it's good to see that people are taking a creative approach to find a job. Not to mention, what an awesome brother (or sister, I suppose). It's the little things like this that make me laugh a little and see the bright spot in humanity. I believe that people are, in general, good, and this is just proof of that.
Need more proof? My sister is also awesome. Just look at this incredible Christmas gift I received!
Yeah. It's a Forever Lazy. Jealous?!!? It was so exciting, I couldn't even be lazy in the damn thing. I was just too excited.
Siblings...for the first 18 years of your life you want to stab them and then they give you awesome gifts. Sweet.
Atlanta is a HUGE city. Way bigger than anywhere I've ever lived before (Kansas City, Missouri, Kirksville, Missouri, Charlotte, North Carolina), well, except for that 6 year stint I had previously in Atlanta, but I don't think it counts if you were pooping your pants for at least 2 of those years. (Unless it was during college and you have a bad habit while drinking) I was actually born in Atlanta and went to Kindergarten there, but I don't think that counts as actually "living" somewhere since I probably never ventured outside of the 20 mile radius of where I was born and lived. Needless to say, there is some crazy shit going on in that town. From "Occupy Atlanta" protesters camping out in front of a run down house in a bad part of town, to a homeless dude, ahem, "touching" himself in broad daylight on the sidewalks, to finding out that someone got shot outside of a bar I was at just a few months prior. All totally awesome.
This past weekend during a marathon apartment hunt, however, I came across another kind of crazy. An awesome kind of crazy.
How awesome is that?! Granted, it was in kind of a weird location right across from a bunch of train tracks on a road that not many people were on, but it's still awesome! I mean, of course there's always a chance that his brother lives in his basement and is a real jerk and he's just trying to get him out, but that's still pretty darn cool. That sign itself would've cost $100!
The economy is still a little rough, but it's good to see that people are taking a creative approach to find a job. Not to mention, what an awesome brother (or sister, I suppose). It's the little things like this that make me laugh a little and see the bright spot in humanity. I believe that people are, in general, good, and this is just proof of that.
Need more proof? My sister is also awesome. Just look at this incredible Christmas gift I received!
Siblings...for the first 18 years of your life you want to stab them and then they give you awesome gifts. Sweet.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
I'm Crafty as F***
Recently, I discovered Pinterest. I'd had an account for months but could never quite figure it out and didn't have the patience at that time to try. I'm super spoiled and got an iPad for Christmas and have rediscovered a number of websites I had previously written off because of it. Pinterest being one of them. I've always been pretty crafty when the mood strikes and my New Year's Day (Observed) holiday proved to be an excellent time to dust of the crafting shears and make something awesome.
I was originally inspired by this pin on Pinterest for a heart-shaped, red felt wreath for Valentine's day made out of hundreds of red felt circles, pinned onto a foam wreath from theidearoom.blogspot.com.
I thought this little wreath would be so cute and set off to Michael's to supply-up! I found the push pins and red felt with no trouble, but had some difficulty finding the heart shaped foam base for the project. I ended up deciding to just go with a circle and figured I'd hang a cool sparkly heart in the middle of it. However, my luck changed when I was in the pre-packaged-fabric aisle (because my Michael's doesn't have fabric by the yard, but does have a stupendous selection of 2-3 yard segments) and came across an awesome khaki colored, loose-weave cotton. I decided that the heart was just not meant to be, but a cool, khaki colored circle wreath was definitely in the cards!
My total supplies ended up being:
1 foam circle wreath base (I have no idea what the official title is, nor do I know how large it is. Maybe 14"?)
2 yards of khaki colored cotton fabric (probably could've used 2.5-3 yards, but was too lazy to go get more fabric)
1 pack of 240 ball-topped push pins
1 ft. cream colored ribbon
I started by tracing a shit-load of circles onto the fabric (that I had folded and then folded again, so I got 4 circles for everyone that I traced and cut out. You could probably fold it more if you had badass scissors.) In total, I would guess that I probably had somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 circles, but it might have been more like 175 based on how many of the pins were left. Sorry, I lost count at 108...
You start by taking one of the circles and folding it in half. Then in half again so it looks like a little cone. Sorry, no pics. I was too busy cutting out damn near 200 circles and pinning them onto a freaking foam circle.
Then you take your little cone with the curly edges and pin the point side onto the wreath leaving the curly edges sticking up. You kind of have to play around with how many you put and where, but eventually it starts to take shape. I started by putting WAY too many, but was able to move them around to be a bit more conservative with my circle usage (basically because I ran out of circles with 1/4 of it left to cover. Oops.)
Keep making millions (slight exaggeration) of folded circles pinned onto the wreath until it's totally covered. Like this:
I tied some cream ribbon around it so I could hang it on my door, but you could, obviously, do whatever the F you want. I had planned on putting a blue felt flower on it, but really liked it just plain like that, so I held off. Our front door happens to also be cream/khaki so it doesn't exactly "POP", but I think it still looks pretty darn cool and will look even cooler when I finally have a colored door.
If anybody makes one of these, I'd LOVE to see it, so please shoot me a link! Or, if you have any suggestions or ways to jazz them up, let me know and I can include it in this blog.
Happy crafting and happy pinning!!!
I was originally inspired by this pin on Pinterest for a heart-shaped, red felt wreath for Valentine's day made out of hundreds of red felt circles, pinned onto a foam wreath from theidearoom.blogspot.com.
 |
| My inspiration! |
My total supplies ended up being:
1 foam circle wreath base (I have no idea what the official title is, nor do I know how large it is. Maybe 14"?)
2 yards of khaki colored cotton fabric (probably could've used 2.5-3 yards, but was too lazy to go get more fabric)
1 pack of 240 ball-topped push pins
1 ft. cream colored ribbon
I started by tracing a shit-load of circles onto the fabric (that I had folded and then folded again, so I got 4 circles for everyone that I traced and cut out. You could probably fold it more if you had badass scissors.) In total, I would guess that I probably had somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 circles, but it might have been more like 175 based on how many of the pins were left. Sorry, I lost count at 108...
You start by taking one of the circles and folding it in half. Then in half again so it looks like a little cone. Sorry, no pics. I was too busy cutting out damn near 200 circles and pinning them onto a freaking foam circle.
Then you take your little cone with the curly edges and pin the point side onto the wreath leaving the curly edges sticking up. You kind of have to play around with how many you put and where, but eventually it starts to take shape. I started by putting WAY too many, but was able to move them around to be a bit more conservative with my circle usage (basically because I ran out of circles with 1/4 of it left to cover. Oops.)
Keep making millions (slight exaggeration) of folded circles pinned onto the wreath until it's totally covered. Like this:
 |
| VOILA! |
If anybody makes one of these, I'd LOVE to see it, so please shoot me a link! Or, if you have any suggestions or ways to jazz them up, let me know and I can include it in this blog.
Happy crafting and happy pinning!!!
No, I'm Not Getting Paid for This... But I Wish I Were
I'm one of those people who loves to tell other people how awesome things are; from hair stylists, to shoe stores, to restaurants, to just about anything I use. I'm a Yelp! Elite member and get satisfaction from writing reviews for other people to check out. I literally won't go anywhere without first reading reviews, hotels, restaurants, anything.
Recently I discovered this new product called "Sheets: Energy Strips". Honestly, I think the name is totally stupid, but I think the product is awesome. It's basically a Red Bull in a strip, but with only 2.5 calories per strip. I cannot live without caffeine. I probably drink 2-4 cups in the morning and am searching for a pick-me-up around 2pm every day. Sometimes it's an energy drink, sometimes it's more coffee, sometimes it's a soda, whatever's around, really. I came across these "Sheets" at Walgreens the other day during an abnormally long line and decided to grab a box. I think they were about $5 for 10 strips, not cheap, but a lot cheaper than 10 cans of Red Bull or Rockstar.
They dissolve in about 30 seconds and leave a vague berry/minty taste. You can taste the bitterness of the caffeine a bit, but overall it's not too pungent. You really do get an instant energy boost (probably thanks to the caffeine being directly absorbed by your tongue and gums) and it seems to last for a while.
Although this post has nothing to do with anything that I normally write about, I had to share my latest find because it's that awesome. And because I'm all jacked up on Sheets and had to use my energy to tell the world about them! God speed Sheets eaters!
Recently I discovered this new product called "Sheets: Energy Strips". Honestly, I think the name is totally stupid, but I think the product is awesome. It's basically a Red Bull in a strip, but with only 2.5 calories per strip. I cannot live without caffeine. I probably drink 2-4 cups in the morning and am searching for a pick-me-up around 2pm every day. Sometimes it's an energy drink, sometimes it's more coffee, sometimes it's a soda, whatever's around, really. I came across these "Sheets" at Walgreens the other day during an abnormally long line and decided to grab a box. I think they were about $5 for 10 strips, not cheap, but a lot cheaper than 10 cans of Red Bull or Rockstar.
 |
| SHEETS, BITCHES!!! |
Although this post has nothing to do with anything that I normally write about, I had to share my latest find because it's that awesome. And because I'm all jacked up on Sheets and had to use my energy to tell the world about them! God speed Sheets eaters!
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